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The conscious decision of being nobody

jacquimamas1I often struggle in my head between the things that I want and the things that I want.  You know what I mean?

As most woman I want a lot of things, I want a bigger house, a newer car, a bunch of designer handbags, another bunch of designer shoes, I want all and I mean ALL, the cookware, tableware, dinnerware and all that stuff a “Sur La Table” store can hold! I mean I really want a lot of things…

But the thing is that to get all those things I would have to go back to work outside the house and that would keep me from having the things that I REALLY want.

Are you confused? Well you know I also REALLY want other things… more important things, things that money can’t buy… ahhhhh! yes! those things that count the most.  You know, I want to raise my children, I want to cook for my children, I want to know what their life is about, I want to be my daughter’s therapist, I want to be my children’s teacher, I want to enjoy the house that I have… I mean, what good it is to have a bigger house filled with beautiful furnishings if there’s nobody to enjoy it, to run around it, to play hide and seek, nobody to mess up the kitchen while cooking, to fill the floors with legos, to play on the backyard?

I often struggle because I want all the cute material things and I won’t lie I miss my career, I mean, I see working moms striving at their jobs, dressing awesomely, and rearing wonderful children, but I’m not so coordinated and awesome, so I have to choose and I’m very clear that at this point in my life I couldn’t be happy if I was in my dream job, but away from my kids, I mean, I am the crazy chick that is happy when her kids are at home.

You see I think is true when people say: “You can’t have it all”, is unrealistic to think somebody can.  But we get to choose what we REALLY want.  It’s a thing of choice and sometimes like today I need to remind my self that I choose the stay at home thing, I made the conscious decision of being nobody… no more plans of world domination, no more “me” first.

Most of the time if you choose to be a stay at home mom you become a big nobody to the world, you are not as fashionable or “accomplished” as other women, BUT you’re somebody to the ones that matter most, and is my experience that even though my size 4 jeans don’t fit anymore, my hair is not properly comb each day, I don’t always wear perfume, and most days I wear a uniform of old t-shirts and cotton shorts, my kids think I’m absolutely beautiful, and I know that besides God I am their world.

Guys, the joy of being there for my kids first smile, first steps, my kids plays, first games, even their first poopoo diaper! that is the best thing of all the things that I want!