The conscious decision of being nobody

jacquimamas1I often struggle in my head between the things that I want and the things that I want.  You know what I mean?

As most woman I want a lot of things, I want a bigger house, a newer car, a bunch of designer handbags, another bunch of designer shoes, I want all and I mean ALL, the cookware, tableware, dinnerware and all that stuff a “Sur La Table” store can hold! I mean I really want a lot of things…

But the thing is that to get all those things I would have to go back to work outside the house and that would keep me from having the things that I REALLY want.

Are you confused? Well you know I also REALLY want other things… more important things, things that money can’t buy… ahhhhh! yes! those things that count the most.  You know, I want to raise my children, I want to cook for my children, I want to know what their life is about, I want to be my daughter’s therapist, I want to be my children’s teacher, I want to enjoy the house that I have… I mean, what good it is to have a bigger house filled with beautiful furnishings if there’s nobody to enjoy it, to run around it, to play hide and seek, nobody to mess up the kitchen while cooking, to fill the floors with legos, to play on the backyard?

I often struggle because I want all the cute material things and I won’t lie I miss my career, I mean, I see working moms striving at their jobs, dressing awesomely, and rearing wonderful children, but I’m not so coordinated and awesome, so I have to choose and I’m very clear that at this point in my life I couldn’t be happy if I was in my dream job, but away from my kids, I mean, I am the crazy chick that is happy when her kids are at home.

You see I think is true when people say: “You can’t have it all”, is unrealistic to think somebody can.  But we get to choose what we REALLY want.  It’s a thing of choice and sometimes like today I need to remind my self that I choose the stay at home thing, I made the conscious decision of being nobody… no more plans of world domination, no more “me” first.

Most of the time if you choose to be a stay at home mom you become a big nobody to the world, you are not as fashionable or “accomplished” as other women, BUT you’re somebody to the ones that matter most, and is my experience that even though my size 4 jeans don’t fit anymore, my hair is not properly comb each day, I don’t always wear perfume, and most days I wear a uniform of old t-shirts and cotton shorts, my kids think I’m absolutely beautiful, and I know that besides God I am their world.

Guys, the joy of being there for my kids first smile, first steps, my kids plays, first games, even their first poopoo diaper! that is the best thing of all the things that I want!


What to do when you are having one of those days… and you are homeschooling…

Like yeah… I had one of those days… Am I the only one? I want to believe I’m not.  Guys I woke up today tired, and sweet Fafy woke up on Mars! no way I could bring her to planet Earth and pay attention to life in this planet.

If you are a first time guess in my little blog, let me tell ya, I homeschool, I homeschool my THREE kids, but here is the twist one my kiddos is my sweet flower Fafy who also happens to have autism!

Having that clear, you can imagine how challenging was my day.  But for this days I have an strategy, and it just occur to me that I might share it.

So, without further ado here is how I cope:

1.  Make that cup of coffee!  or whatever gets your day going, have that extra long shower, make that breakfast omelette.

2.  Start slow, you own your time, no bells will ring.

3.  Arm your self of patience… Yes! you know this is the kind of day that will require repeating your self many times, you will have to read that book more than one time (because she/he wasn’t paying attention, in that case audiobooks are your friend, they can read along, and YouTube has bunches of them), and today is the day of the easiest math lesson, and yet today is the day they won’t get it.  So be prepared, and don’t despair (although I do despair, and end up pulling my own hair, but try, you may be better than me at it).

4.  Paper! Have lots of lots of paper on hand! today is the day that everything is gonna have to be done twice, than your usually neat kiddo, will have a dirty, wrinkly paper, or all the answers will be switched.  We use Saxon Math, so in order to help my daughter go through it with ease I type the lesson practice and the mixed lessons, so she can visualize it better, also it helps when we have days like this one, because if she has to go over the lesson one more time she can repeat them with no fuss, we just have to print it again.

On a side note, I know is cray cray to type all the lesson practice and mixed lessons of Saxon, but you don’t have to be crazy like me, leave that to the nuts 😉

5.  Forfeit the “less important work”, I know… everything is important, but some days, just do one or two things well, and leave the rest for the next day, nobody will die.

6.  At the end of the day, and you try really hard to be a good homeschool mama, you try the 5 steps, but couldn’t make it without loosing it, raising your voice, and being a human… forgive your self, kiss your dearest and ask them for forgiveness, explain to them that you are a mama that is trying her best, and that you are so pleased that God is a God of second chances, pray with them as you ask God for forgiveness too, and you know what mama? that is the best lesson you could ever give your child on days like this.

I am not perfect and I suspect you are not perfect either, but guess what? We are not call to be!! yay! we are call to be real, to chase after God, so do that and teach your kiddos to do it.

Ok, now I’ll wrap it up until I have another meltdown, end up crying at night, and have something to say.