The conscious decision of being nobody

jacquimamas1I often struggle in my head between the things that I want and the things that I want.  You know what I mean?

As most woman I want a lot of things, I want a bigger house, a newer car, a bunch of designer handbags, another bunch of designer shoes, I want all and I mean ALL, the cookware, tableware, dinnerware and all that stuff a “Sur La Table” store can hold! I mean I really want a lot of things…

But the thing is that to get all those things I would have to go back to work outside the house and that would keep me from having the things that I REALLY want.

Are you confused? Well you know I also REALLY want other things… more important things, things that money can’t buy… ahhhhh! yes! those things that count the most.  You know, I want to raise my children, I want to cook for my children, I want to know what their life is about, I want to be my daughter’s therapist, I want to be my children’s teacher, I want to enjoy the house that I have… I mean, what good it is to have a bigger house filled with beautiful furnishings if there’s nobody to enjoy it, to run around it, to play hide and seek, nobody to mess up the kitchen while cooking, to fill the floors with legos, to play on the backyard?

I often struggle because I want all the cute material things and I won’t lie I miss my career, I mean, I see working moms striving at their jobs, dressing awesomely, and rearing wonderful children, but I’m not so coordinated and awesome, so I have to choose and I’m very clear that at this point in my life I couldn’t be happy if I was in my dream job, but away from my kids, I mean, I am the crazy chick that is happy when her kids are at home.

You see I think is true when people say: “You can’t have it all”, is unrealistic to think somebody can.  But we get to choose what we REALLY want.  It’s a thing of choice and sometimes like today I need to remind my self that I choose the stay at home thing, I made the conscious decision of being nobody… no more plans of world domination, no more “me” first.

Most of the time if you choose to be a stay at home mom you become a big nobody to the world, you are not as fashionable or “accomplished” as other women, BUT you’re somebody to the ones that matter most, and is my experience that even though my size 4 jeans don’t fit anymore, my hair is not properly comb each day, I don’t always wear perfume, and most days I wear a uniform of old t-shirts and cotton shorts, my kids think I’m absolutely beautiful, and I know that besides God I am their world.

Guys, the joy of being there for my kids first smile, first steps, my kids plays, first games, even their first poopoo diaper! that is the best thing of all the things that I want!


What to do when you are having one of those days… and you are homeschooling…

Like yeah… I had one of those days… Am I the only one? I want to believe I’m not.  Guys I woke up today tired, and sweet Fafy woke up on Mars! no way I could bring her to planet Earth and pay attention to life in this planet.

If you are a first time guess in my little blog, let me tell ya, I homeschool, I homeschool my THREE kids, but here is the twist one my kiddos is my sweet flower Fafy who also happens to have autism!

Having that clear, you can imagine how challenging was my day.  But for this days I have an strategy, and it just occur to me that I might share it.

So, without further ado here is how I cope:

1.  Make that cup of coffee!  or whatever gets your day going, have that extra long shower, make that breakfast omelette.

2.  Start slow, you own your time, no bells will ring.

3.  Arm your self of patience… Yes! you know this is the kind of day that will require repeating your self many times, you will have to read that book more than one time (because she/he wasn’t paying attention, in that case audiobooks are your friend, they can read along, and YouTube has bunches of them), and today is the day of the easiest math lesson, and yet today is the day they won’t get it.  So be prepared, and don’t despair (although I do despair, and end up pulling my own hair, but try, you may be better than me at it).

4.  Paper! Have lots of lots of paper on hand! today is the day that everything is gonna have to be done twice, than your usually neat kiddo, will have a dirty, wrinkly paper, or all the answers will be switched.  We use Saxon Math, so in order to help my daughter go through it with ease I type the lesson practice and the mixed lessons, so she can visualize it better, also it helps when we have days like this one, because if she has to go over the lesson one more time she can repeat them with no fuss, we just have to print it again.

On a side note, I know is cray cray to type all the lesson practice and mixed lessons of Saxon, but you don’t have to be crazy like me, leave that to the nuts 😉

5.  Forfeit the “less important work”, I know… everything is important, but some days, just do one or two things well, and leave the rest for the next day, nobody will die.

6.  At the end of the day, and you try really hard to be a good homeschool mama, you try the 5 steps, but couldn’t make it without loosing it, raising your voice, and being a human… forgive your self, kiss your dearest and ask them for forgiveness, explain to them that you are a mama that is trying her best, and that you are so pleased that God is a God of second chances, pray with them as you ask God for forgiveness too, and you know what mama? that is the best lesson you could ever give your child on days like this.

I am not perfect and I suspect you are not perfect either, but guess what? We are not call to be!! yay! we are call to be real, to chase after God, so do that and teach your kiddos to do it.

Ok, now I’ll wrap it up until I have another meltdown, end up crying at night, and have something to say.




How autism looks like: Dancing


Every person is different and this is specially true to people with autism, but most of them enjoy music, making it, listening to it, dancing to it, etc.
This is specially true in my daughter’s case, she loves music… music calms her down, it relaxes her and makes it easier for her to learn.

There are two things that have been fundamental for her:  God and Music.

For those who are non believers it might be a shock, awkward and might even be angry.

But believing in God, having a positive view of what life is thru God, trusting in Him when things are difficult for her has helped her cope with the world.  Whenever she is stressed out (as often happens with autism) she prays, she remembers a bible verse and it helps her, she remembers than there is somebody bigger than her or anybody else, and that helps.  Her heart is filled by God and she rests… as we all should.

This video is the combination of both, God and music.  Christian music always has a positive connotation that is so important in anyone and specially in her life.

So here she is dancing to a Christian tune, that as always leaves her with bunches of joy 🙂

If I can say something to a parent, family member, care giver, friend or acquaintance of a person with autism is this:  Fill them with positive thoughts and the music of their liking.


“The limit does not exist”

016Like Lindsay Lohan’s character in Mean Girls I must have been distracted in the lesson about limits… and here is why…

I’m always so worried about what Sofi does in public, I’m always checking that she won’t start crying, speaking loudly, get into people’s personal space, etc.  So Classical Conversations is also a challenge, as much as she enjoys our CC days, when we’re all gather she interrupts ALL THE TIME!!

For those who are not familiar with classical conversations, CC is a homeschooling community in which families gather one day a week, have some time together and then we divide in groups according to age.  In each group the kids learn about math, geography, grammar, etc. and at the end of the day each kid have some time to make a presentation, a show and tell kind of thing.

Well… Sofi has never prepared a presentation and I wouldn’t dare to let her present something because I have been afraid that she wouldn’t be able to follow thru, I was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to answer questions, in other words I set limits to Sofi… little did I knew what was about to happen…

When presentations begun I took Sofi into a corner in the back to allow the other kids to make their presentations without Sofi interrupting.  When the second kid was finished the teacher asked Sofi if she wanted to make a presentation… well she didn’t answered, she ran, she took off!, she flew to the front and pulled a rabbit out of her hat!

Sofi spoke about her glasses, how she got her eye test, about her “eye doctor”, she answered questions and spoke directly into the eyes of her peers…!! Any mom of a kid with autism knows how hard that is…

So at that moment I just needed time to go faster so I could run to the closest restroom and cry my eyes out! I was excited and I was humbled, I didn’t knew she had it in her and also how did I dare to set limits to my daughter’s abilities?! I got so used to decide things for Sofi that I started deciding what she can and can not do, I forgot that I don’t get to decide her abilities.  People! I forgot that the only one who sets limits is God, meanwhile THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST!!!

I’m truly humbled and proud because God is always giving me the most precious lessons thru Sofi, The Potter is working in this poor clay to make a good vase.  Today’s lesson: God has not limits, He can do anything, TO GOD THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.


Dream & Work

I often find my self Arttalking about the same, but what can I do? I need to self-cheer… lol

So, here is the thing, I’m a dreamer, I’m a day dreamer, every moment that I have for my self, every time I drive, every time I shower.  I dream about a whole arrange of things:  What would I do with $10,000.00, how would I look like without 10 pounds, how would I update my house, how would my dream vacation be, and yes I most admit I dream about how life could be without autism, I dream how my daughter character could have been, I dream of the things we could do or how would it be if my daughter recovers, what would she tell me … the list goes on and on… and those are nice dreams, but they’re dreams, nothing else, reality is different.

I’m currently working as hard as I can with my daughter, but sometimes -like I said in another post- I get bored and can’t find energy inside of me, but today I had a breakthrough!! I found this quote on Pinterest:

“I never dreamed for success.  I worked for it”  Estee Lauder.

That thing fell like the lost piece of a puzzle!! Stop dreaming for crying out loud! DO!! that’s how dreams come true!! it is so logical, but we loose sight of the easiest and most logical things when we feel overwhelmed.  So that simple, keep the dream in mind, but not as a dream keep it AS A GOAL!!

So cheers to the dreams that can come true with hard work!!


Keeping it Real

drawingI have not posted in months.

I was afraid to post.

I would look at the WordPress bookmark and look away.

I love writing about how inspired I’m with my daughter’s progress, about new special diet recipes, about a new project… and is not like there hasn’t been any progress, or any new recipes, or any new projects; but the challenges have been greater than what I expected, so I panicked and didn’t wrote anything.

My main goal is to be able to inspire others that have a similar challenge than mine, to tell them hey! you can do it! and is not wrong to also think about your self!

But as much as most of the time I feel like I can conquer the world, I also have this sad episodes; I guess we all need/have them -when we’re dealing with a child with special needs- one just feel like crying or just want to be sad… and I guess is ok.

Most of the time I can keep my joy and feel strong enough to endure the challenges, but sometimes like today I just feel like I don’t want to leave my bed, I don’t want to deal with the world.

I wonder how other parents cope?

The funny thing is that in a matter of hours I will feel totally ashamed of this post and would not be able to believe that I actually put my self out there, even if nobody reads this little post, I will feel like the whole world read it… but I think I need to allow my self to keep it real.

So if there’s anyone out there feeling down because your kid had a bad day, cried too much and you couldn’t go out like you planned… know that somebody here feels the same! and try the Elizabeth Taylor thing (that’s been my thing this past months) “Put on some lipstick, and pull your self together”. ET.


Update on Sophie and is he our first volunteer?


I’m having the craziest month in history.  First my husband left to work out of state, then he came back injured… that alone was enough, but now the kids have what I guess is a virus, because they have fevers without any other symptoms and are missing school and home school, not to mention that Sophie and I lost the Son-Rise rythim we had… sigh… (I haven’t even had the time to play with my Julep and Ipsy boxes 😦 )

Oh well, is November the month to be thankful and I guess I have to be thankful for the challenges right? RIGHT?

Continue reading


First Review


fall park dayI don’t even want to call this my monthly review, because truth is I’ve been inconsistent with my daughter’s son rise therapy.

A lot of times I have felt awkward, not in the sense of feeling awkward with her, but with my self.  I can’t seem to be creative enough while playing and at times I don’t know what to do… how to build an exciting game or even how to feel excited.  There come times when I feel extremely sleepy inside the playroom.  And times where I have just been sick.

Continue reading